Just reporting that I survived. T left me such a good voice mail and made me really believe that it was going to be okay, and it was. It was scary and hard, but I did it.

I would give just about anything to talk to T right now. I left him a message afterwards because he asked me to, but I just want to hear his reaction. I have such a parental transference towards him sometimes, and I just need to hear him tell me that he's proud of me.

I asked him to call on his way in to work tomorrow and I'm sure he will, so I just have to be patient.

I never ever ever ever EVER EVER could have done what I did tonight without all of the work I've done in therapy. No. Way. And seeing T today and putting everything I needed to into my closet was just what needed to happen. I love that T trusts me to know what I need, even when I don't really believe I know. Because him letting me drift ended up being just the right thing to do.

ANYHOW, I am so so so relieved. SO relieved. I did it.