My therapist emailed me this morning to address my concerns about not going into therapy today. While she said that sometimes a client who is in a very intense period in therapy may need a week off, she also addressed whether or not I was experiencing avoidance. Was the reason I didn't want to come because I did not want to address the issues at hand? Was I pushing those emotions back down again? Was I trying to deny that they were there?

I agreed that I was totally trying to avoid another uncomfortable session. So I sucked it up and went. I actually did finally write some things down to share with her. This time, I asked her to read them (lately, I have been reading). I wanted to sit back and think about what was being said, and not worry about me 'reading' it. I wanted to listen.

It was a hard session talking about things I do not want to talk about! I keep telling her to STOP bringing that up! Yes, I get mad at her. She knows I do, but seems not to be phased by it. She told me that I can say whatever I want or need to say to her. I can tell her to "Shut Up" if I want to! I can argue with her, and I can throw a fit in her office if I need to.

One of these days I am going to throw a fit! I guess I can see it coming and I think she does to. Strange, but I am kinda looking forward to that day. Yes, I want to throw a temper tantrum!!