My meditations lately have been quite informal. It seems to suit me better. I prefer to just rest in a state of mindlessness rather then to have to think about a particular form or process. I would probably benefit from a class or two but then I would have to overcome my discomfort around groups of people first. A bit of a catch 22. lol

Lots of pulling away from pressure moments to return to my centre. It still amazes me how effective it can be to just stop for a minute or two whether triggered or not to just be with my breath. I have never taken so many deep breaths in my life.

I wonder if this happens for anyone else but almost every time I take a deep breath to bring me back to centre I have the biggest yawn(s). I know yawning has something to do with oxygen flow in the lungs so it makes sense I guess.

I had some lovely visions appear while laying in bed before turning over to sleep. Siince we started our meditations I have made it a practice to give myself time to find my breath again. To relax in the calm until I feel ready to sleep. Even when sleep is slow to come I don't get restless and further struggle with sleep. Instead I am able to stay in that place of mindless peace and allow sleep to come when it comes. When my eyes are closed in this calm relaxed state I will often see things that draw me into their beauty.

The vision usually comes to me from what starts as a pin prick of light that grows the longer I look into it. Last night it grew into a beautiful flower. The really interesting part is that as it grew it became 3 dimensional. It was so real I could even smell its sweet fragrance.

I think I probably feel asleep smiling. Such a welcomed contrast to those times when the disturbing images, flashing lights and piercing sounds will strick panic in my heart and eventually push me out of bed to escape the madness.

As you might remember I sometimes use mandalas or sacred circles in my world for meditation. I am not sure if it was yesterday or another day but I found that I only needed to look at the circle directly for a few minutes. If I then closed my eyes it would unfold before me as though my eyes were opened and I was looking at the real thing. It would move and transform the same way as the real thing.

The beauty in this was that there were no tears to cope with. When I look at something intently with my eyes open they usually start to water up and even sting a little bit. Only slightly distracting to the exercise.

Here is something else I have been meaning to share. I have been told by Elders and Spiritual Teachers that I am a see-er. I have the gift of seeing things others don't. I suppose psych science would suggest they were hullicinations but they would be wrong.

The gift is most pronounced when I look at things in nature. We all have layed in the grass and looked up to the clouds and seen within them all manner of things from elephants to dinasaurs to anything else the shapes might suggest. It is like that.

Just outside my front door is a high mountain cliff. Among the carved out rocks I see images of animals (my favourite a large eagle head, another a grizzle bear and still another a big salmon jumping out of the water), masks (from among a range of indigenous cultures) distorted faces that are sometimes cartoony among others more realistic. I call these my power rocks because spending time with them pulls me up and reignites my fire. I would leave an offering in my medicine wheel and get back to what I was doing. The same thing happens when I go to the river and look at the river rocks or it can even happen when I am sitting on the toilet looking down at the squiggly lines on the tiles. Everywhere I look that has movement of lines I can find a face. I know the toilet is probably too much information. lol

I love this gift because it takes me to a happy peaceful place. In my ancestral culture it is believed that our ancestors transform into things of nature. All around us on the tops of the mountains you can see the profile of great chiefs resting above us. Or on cliff sides you can see a profile of them standing as though guarding the gates as we pass through. Almost every territory has at least one mountain they call Chief's Mountain.