I had a big panic last night when one of my dear doggies started being really sick. I am pretty pathetic when my dogs get ill and I fall apart anxiety-wise. I can't stand to see them suffering. And my mind flies to all kinds of worst-case scenarios. We had a really big health-scare with Bucky a few years ago and he almost died, so I really worry about a recurrence of that when he gets ill.

Anyhow, suffice to say, I didn't get much meditation done - or much sleep! - last night. Though I did try to observe my feelings, and my breathing, while I was lying in bed.

It really strikes me how my thoughts are very often my worst enemies. I think something really important for me to keep working on is finding a way to make my thoughts become my allies. Also, instead of trying to run away from the horrible feelings, I need to try and find a way to show the feelings some compassion. Even the really bad ones. Especially the really bad ones (I know that ultimately I also need to give up judging my feelings as good or bad, but I'm light years away from that at this point and compassion feels like a slightly more realistic goal).......

Thankfully, Bucky is doing better today. He was very poorly last night, shaking and panting and obviously distressed (in addition to the vomiting). I wanted to take him to the emergency vet but hubby suggested we wait it out and he did a great job of calming Bucky down and lying with him for most of the night. I'm so grateful that Bucky is doing better, but I'm still completely wiped out by the panic I got myself into last night, as well as the lack of sleep. I have felt unwell today.

Another thing that strikes me is that I have very few inner reserves. I think it's because I spend most of the time feeling anxious, even when there is nothing specific to feel anxious about. Then, when something anxiety-provoking does happen, I have nothing to draw on because I'm already burned out.

I have a lot to meditate on!!!!!!!!

Love to all