Hi, this is me keeping you posted.. Nothing much has happened apart from I'm seeing her again in 2 weeks. I regret telling her now though.
If anything I feel worse, ive just been hiding away from the world in bed every day. Nothing seems to be changing. My family don't understand, so theres no point me bringing them down again and ruining everything. I'm like a zombie, I sit and take nothing in at school, today I failed maths exam (which is 2o% of my overall grade) i just sat there thinking I couldn't do it, and telling myself it all doesnt matter that I fail because i won't need it and I'd have done 'it' by the time my grades could possibly matter. Now I wish someone had slapped me in the face for being crazy and stupid and made me try. Is it possible to be addicted to s/h? The thought of being able to come home and s/h is what helps me through the day, just knowing that I can when I get home, then when I cant it drives me crazy because I feel like I need to. I'm just constantly thinking of how I can harm/kill myself. And I no that's not exactly 'normal'. I don't know, I feel messed up. :L