I don't really have any advice. But I wonder this......I'm not suicidal, but somedays I don't want to be here anymore. I do SI on occasion when things are really tough, but I don't want to die. Dying actually scares me and just causes anxiety over that.

I can understand though why you kind of relate to the model/actor committing suicide though. You are struggling to be what they have . It is hard to realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side though, even when that is what we want. So for someone that has what you want and then kills themselves, it is frustrating. Does that make sense or am I rambling?! I know that having money and being successful isn't always great, but I'm thinking it has to be better than not having money and being successful!

Good Luck with the acting/modeling. I hope you aren't with your BF anymore. Doesn't sound healthy at all. You are better off alone than being verbally or physically abused. And no one understands if they don't live inside our emotional state. My husband is great, but sometimes he just doesn't understand. You have to have someone that is willing to get thru the rough and good. We all go between the two quickly sometimes!