I can relate to that feeling of self destructiveness and self directed anger. It's very hard for me not to SI when I feel that way. The best way for me to avoid it is to distract myself until the feeling passes and the anger subsides. Being with other people makes it impossible for me to SI so that is often a good way to keep myself safe. I know how hard it is to fight for yourself when you want to destory yourself. Remember- you can do this!