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Old Mar 01, 2011, 04:58 PM
dashigara12 dashigara12 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2011
Location: canada
Posts: 7
I've been self harming for a year now and I have been trying really hard to stop since November. But when people started finding out about it, like my mom, crisis counselor at my school (I'm 9th grade, high school), it just got worse! It seems to stress me out or something to have people know. To have people ask "what's wrong?" all the time. My mom keeps on asking that. She doesn't ask to see, she doesn't check, she doesn't make sure that I don't have anything in my room. She does nothing about it!!!! She's my MOM and I don't want her to help but at the same time I am going insane because there is no one helping me!!!!

I just want to stop. It's getting too insane and I find it revolting. I hate cutting, I hate that I do it, I hate every part of it, yet I do it because I love it...it makes no fricking sense, but I can't stop what I hate! I've tried getting help, I've talked to one of my friends, and she's made me go to the crisis counselor to ask for help. All the way back in...December, my mom and I went to the youth service buera to get a counselor/therapist. They called back in Febraury to tell my mom they couldn't help and to look else where, the beginning of February. I don't know if my mom hasn't tried, or if she just hasn't found someone and didn't tell me. I finally went to the crisis counselor yesterday (because I promised my friend I would, since she begged me to) and told her. And I haven't seen the crisis counselor since end of November, or something like that. But she asked to see my arms and even she noticed the extreme difference. That was Friday!!! It's even worse now BECAUSE I went to the crisis counselor. But I'm getting worse when I don't see someone. I need to talk to someone, but it makes me go insane because all they do is tell my mom EVERYTHING! Yeah, she should know, I know that, but her knowing makes her depressed and makes me depressed even more. It Doesn't Help!!! But I need to stop! Everything I've been doing is not working anymore. The rubber bands thing, writing, music, exercise, it's all not working! I need to find someone to talk to, but I don't know if I should if it's just making me worse. And I don't even know how to explain what is going on because I don't know!!!!! I don't know what is driving my depression, I have a good life!!! Sure sucky school life, and sometimes home is hell, but compared to some people, it's nothing bad! I don't know why it's driving me insane. (sorry it's a long post) (saying trigger just in case)