I do hear what you are saying. It scares me because it is a path i walk parallel to at the moment.
Evidence that you have been here cannot be eliminated, as you say. Even documentary evidence cannot easily be eliminated, and the evidence of the concern and love others have for you will remain. I know it can feel like a cruel tie at times.
I know when times are worst that just checking out how I am feeling helps, even just speaking it. I hope that is true for you.
Thinking positive thoughts for you - which is easier than thinking them for myself!
Peace to you too.