Thank you sunset.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunsetsunrise .....my heart loves deeply. I also do not have self love. So my love is projected outward.

I think that is really insightful about yourself. Loving all of myself is a daily challenge for me too. Recognizing that projecting love outward is to some extent a substitute or compensation for a lack of self love is any interesting understanding. Perhaps it is a good starting point from which to consider what makes us so different in our own determination from those who we decide might actually BE worthy. Why can't we love ourselves as we love our neighbours, our pets, our friends and family?

When I used to hear the spiritual teachings, 'Love your neighbour as you love yourself....' 'Do for your neighbour as you would have them do for you.' I would hear that self loathing voice say, 'yea right, that would definitely short change my neighbour. I can do better then that for them.' When did I stop loving myself and how can I learn to love myself again? How can I love myself as my neighbours, friends, family, pets love me? What makes me so unworthy of love? Why do I short change myself? Why do I deny myself the love of others? Why is it I cling to my fear in exchange for love?

"Self-love, my liege, in not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting." William Shakespeare

"I celebrate myself, and sing myself." Walt Witman

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." Oscar Wilde
Yes, I am greatful to learn of the option to sit in a chair to meditate. Somehow just hearing that was liberating for me. I am good with sitting straight in the chair with my legs crossed and arms resting on my thighs but I prefer the higher elevation for some reason.

I found this today reading from Pema Chodron's website (are you familiar with her at all?). A contributor,also spoke about sitting in a chair.

"When we sit, we sit with some kind of pride and dignity. Our legs are crossed, shoulders relaxed. We have a sense of what is above, a sense that something is pulling us up the same time we have a sense of ground. The arms should rest comfortably on the thighs. Those who cannot sit down on a cushion can sit in a chair. The main point is to be somewhat comfortable." Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche
http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/meditation3.php

I do remember reading some stuff about HSP. I definately fit the profile. I have always been this way even before other symptoms started to ramp up their games in my head. No question the sensitivities are magnified when symptoms are acting up but certain sounds have always set me off. You have me interested in learning more about it again.
I hope they encourage you to believe in your own capacities. I am not sure now if I shared this but I am learning that if, before I automatically assume I can't do something because I always do, because I am too afraid of the consequences (melt down, embarrassment, rejection....), I take a moment to ask myself if my fear has any basis in fact. Each and every time I face a challenge not to avoid, I now ask myself if I stilll feel it is necessary or if maybe I can venture out after all. I am free to say 'Nope, not ready." or "Maybe I can do some of what I am avoiding so I will venture that far out" or even "Yea I think I am up for this today." The lesson for me as been to trust I am on the road to recovery and what was necessary yesterday to keep me safe may not be necessary today. By checking in with myself I am allowing healing to come into my life, one step, one day at a time.

An example is when a few weeks back my uncle passed away and I had to decide if I was up for going to the funeral and mixing with all the people at the reception. I really wanted to support my father even though he said he would understand if I wasn't up for it. When I asked myself if I could do the funeral I decided, yes, I could do that much because I knew the graveside service was family only. Then I asked myself about the reception. Not so sure about that because I knew there would be a lot of people and the volume was likely to be pretty high. I decided maybe I could do that but I would wait to decide for sure after the funeral. I ended up going but when symptoms of anxiety and hypersensitivity started acting up I said my good byes. I sat in the truck for a while re-centering myself by focus on my breath and getting a grip on the anxiety that had started to build. On the drive home I rejoice in the fact that I did something I normally-habitually would avoid and nothing horrible happened.
What a beautiful woman she is. Beyond the physical beauty her beauty within is so bright. I can't imagine how magnificant it would be to see her, and feel her essense in person. I can't wait to find out more about her and her teachings.

I remembered you writing this about singing when I found the quote that I posted above. I often sing songs outload that I make up because I am useless at remembering the words to many songs, other then Christian praise songs I learned many moons ago. I may remember a tune but I will have to make up my own words. I love to go to the river to harmonize witht the songs of the rushing water. I also love the hand drum and I will play it and make up songs, not with words, but with sounds. It is a great way to stay in the moment and feel connected spiritually with the universe. I won't sing if others are around. I know where it comes from. I was told by my 4th grade teacher not to sing so load and again when I was in a highschool play I was told to not sing so load because I couldn't sing. It was so hurtful because both times I was feeling so much joy and happiness from the singing. I was crushed into silence by their rebuke of me.