I can really relate to wondering if it's possible to heal after being in therapy for 10 years with a t that I percieve is competent. I know now that I couldn't nuture littles because I didn't have a clue what nuturing was and trying to "make it up" or "fake it" until it became real just didn't work for me.

Of course I have noi idea if this will help you, but what I had to learn was how to nuture myself in the outside world first. That's been a lot more difficult than what it sounds like. I've had to find fairly well adjusted people and hang around family situations to observe. That would also bring up more pain and grief too. But I really had no clue.

I've been with the therapist I have now for 4 years and she's tried doing the same with very little success. Recently I read on a blog (don't recall what it's called) that developing a positive mother can be difficult when the mother was absent (like mine) most of my focus has been on my dad since he was my primary abuser.

I can't just make a part to do something that we have no clue about. I am going to have to learn what that is first. It's not just doing all the "right things", but experiencing the feeling and parts know if the feeling is there or not. I need to feel nutured before I can nuture them and I don't feel that way in my own world.

One thing I have learned about getting stuck is that it's not "my fault". Instead something has been missed, is missing or there's some other reason for it. Sometimes I'm inpatient trying to get all the parts on the same level. Sometimes I don't recognize the healing that has taken place because healing takes on many forms. Sometimes I need to go back to a more basic level. Some of my kids didn't know what healing was or that there was anything more than what they knew. They had lost hope (I'm working on that too). This stuff really is limited only by the child's imagination and that's way different from adult thinking. Sometimes I forget to listen to them.

This is different for everyone, but I can relate to feeling stuck for what seems like an endless amounts of time. I just keep believing the answer is there and I haven't found it yet.