As I was reading your post, I started to cry. Why you might ask? Because I know all too well what you are saying. I am a master chameleon, myself. It's like you play the part on the outside, being the perfect actor, and yet inside you are screaming and everything at the things you do not want to do yet do do in the process of trying to play the role of whoever or whatever you are on the outside to everyone else.

*sigh*

Hang in there, from one chameleon to another.