Thank you all for your hugs, kind words and support.

After re-reading my post I may have given the impression I'm a pill popping momma. I'm not. After (at last count) over 76 different psych drugs and ECT treatments, I take only 5 meds (4 on a regular basis).

Rohag mentioned the memory loss. I have a 26 yr old son, I cannot remember other than for a few snippets. Imagine walking in your front door and not knowing where you are. Where is the kitchen, which way to the bedroom. You need to relearn most everything... spell, reading, writing. Forget numbers, 2+2 is more than you can handle.

I use to walk a mile a day. Now my spinal stenosis and degenerated discs reduce most of my physical activity to taking codeine and morphine when the pain becomes too much. There aren't needles fine enough to inject steroids any longer.

There's a theory that once you have an established life style it is difficult to imagine a different way of life.

So again I say, why bother.