Perhaps I needed to see him as a little boy who didn't know better, to somehow deal with the dissonance...

I emailed T when I was having this meltdown, and he said that perhaps we could explore my deep seated guilt that seems to be prevalent in every area of my life. I wonder what that will uncover, and I truly hope that it helps me see my ex as who he really is and not that little boy anymore. I need that, desperately.