i deeply hope you find the help you need. it sounds like you are devoted to help yourself. i applaud your efforts. the loudest squeak gets the oil. please don't give up trying.  you deserve better things in your life. if you find your T and pdoc are not helping enough, i'd consider changing to new ones that may have more expertise to help you.please let us know how you are doing. we care about you. 
...and welcome to pc! i'm glad u found us.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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