I think you're possibly catching your train of thoughts and linking it to anxiety- which is where I think the problem is too.

You sound disapointed that you're not on antibiotics? Thing is, if they are going down and that's not due to putting antibiotics in you then that is a good thing, not bad! Also taking unecessary antibiotics isn't good for you, you can build up a resistance and those will no longer be of use to you in the future which could be a big problem were you to get a serious infection. The fact you can feel them doesn't mean they aren't going away. They won't go from big to disappeared, that isn't what happens.

I think chatting to your GP at some point about your anxiety would be of use to you.