yeah, i know :/ i just feel too guilty that she knows as much as she already does, the cahms people my doctor got in touch with just rang. i have to go see a doctor and a psychiatric nurse (is it normal to see them both at once?) next thursday. i guess if im totally open to them then things can start to change. its just my dad thinks its an attention thing because he's really skeptical about stuff like this, he doesnt think i have enough reason to feel how i do. but i think next thursday i'll just tell them everything.