you know, you have to wonder why people put so much faith in a new year, thinking that from one day to the next life will change, better things will come, and a blank slate is before them. I think the reason why is b/c we want to hope, you need something to hold on, something to get you through another day, another week, another month... hopefully through another year until once again, you can hope maybe the new year will be even a little better than this year.

You're right, it does seem like each year just adds on to the list of negatives,... but from getting to know more people on here, I can tell you that positives add to... hope in someone else might light a flicker of hope in you, encouragment might get you through a bad day, and you have gained- your friends here. I know none of that makes up for the past or all the bad things, but to this day I refuse to believe that this is all that life has to offfer. I can't see that light at the end of the tunnel, but that doesn't mean it's not there. I was watching pictures on my friends' camera from one of her trips, and I was close to crying, b/c I realized there is so much out there I haven't see, haven't experienced, and what's holiding me back? I can list so many things but at least it's a goal to work towards. I think the moment life really fails us is when we pretend we're someone we're not, when we live our lives for someone else... I do that every day. And even though I don't see a clear way out, I know if you wouldn't have to put on that mask, you would still have reasons to live, only then would it actually be for yourself and not others. How to live life for oneself though, to its fullest, after years of putting on that mask? I dont' know. Azalysa, it is not a mask anyone wants to put on, I think it keeps you back even more b/c not only are you hiding from everyone else but also yourself.