I think that sometimes life is not just the way it is purely b/c of you 'messing it up' or creating your own circumstances... things happened, you had your reasons, you may have learned something... the point is, you're trying to deal now the best you can and you have made great strives and hopefully one day, this day won't seem like such a huge burden anymore... new year's can feel quite lonely even if you are surrounded by people, and even if you would have doen everything 'right', who's to say new year's would be any better? it's still anxiety provoking, depressing, stressful, and if you ask around, more than enough people are just trying to get it over with... I hope that the other 363 days won't be the same, at least not w/ the same amount of pressure...