I don't even know where to begin....another ongoing issue with my marriage that has reached a new level. My husband FINALLY admitted after 6 months of my suspicions and constant questioning that he is STILL TO THIS DAY in love with his ex girlfriend from 10 years ago and he acknowledges that there is nothing that I can do about it. He says I need to "take it or leave it". He is no longer fully denying it or trying to hide the severity of his obsession with her. He has admitted that he idolizes her and puts her on a pedestal and that I can't compare to her. She is currently married and lives in Japan. They haven't spoken in 10 years but he says he still thinks about her all the time. He says that when we met, he thought that I was a "reincarnation" of her and that he resented me more and more as he got to know me when he realized that I was not like her at all. Im devastated and heart broken. Why can't I win? Why won't he choose me? We are going to marriage counseling and our counselor has told him to let her go. He says he will (he lies to our counselor) and he tells me directly that he can't and won't give up on her. He accuses me of trying to "control" him by "forcing" him to choose between her or me. He says it's "my fault" for making him choose her over me (because he says I complain too much and she never complained about anything he did). I've tried everything I can imagine to get him to see that I am worthwhile but I keep losing. She seems to always win. I feel like this is an affair that he has with her (even though they arent even interacting). I dont know what to do. My self esteem is down to zero and I feel helpless. this is awful but I feel so lonely that Im considering looking for another man myself so I can feel like Im really a good catch. Maybe I am pathetic? Maybe she is better?