I'm sorry you're hurting so much... I know what you mean with just wanting to feel. and it doesn't work. I don't think si more severly or more times can make a difference... it's always the same feelings building up to it, during it, after it.. but nothing ever like what you want to *feel*, right??? I would think that therapy would be of help w/ that... but in the meantime do rely on everyone here and other things you know you can do if you feel like si.... you can get past this, somehow.
(((((((((BP)))))))))))