thanks... I hate the fact that I got myself to this place again... and that I feel stuck. I don't know how to get out, where to turn.. what's right, what's wrong, what's normal, what's MY normal. In those moments you sometimes totally loose self-control, it's really weird.. I don't have a T, I luckily didn't have to go to the ER or ever have, but my cuts hurt now, I don't know why...they never hurt that much but I think it's b/c I cut so much, and all over each other...sigh. I don't know how the hell I cut so much. It hurts!!!!!!! It hurts when I move, when I touch that area, when someone else comes close, when I put my clothes on/ take them off... damn it.