Hi Folks,

According to the dictionary, 'embroilment' is 'an intricate and confusing personal or political situation'.

Having recently pulled out of running a poetry event for reasons that would confuse Machiavelli himself, I am back in re-evaluation mode.

This has been going on for 3 years now, and I can't get a grip on it. I live (as you folks know) quietly at home with my wife, and collect rare books, write, play some music etc. I also travel a good deal with my book collecting.

The problem arises whenever I go out of the front door in my hometown. Because I don't have much social contact here on weekdays I have felt a bit lonely and dropped into a couple of poetry/ writers groups etc. Maybe because I still look like a teacher, or because of my enthusiasm for writing and music, I am quickly embroiled. I've managed to turn down various offers, but I have also been caught up with some things, and then disappointed people subsequently.

I think the problem is that I still hanker after the role I had in teaching, but my moods change nowadays with the illness and other people can't be expected to understand this. So I have made some promises and then I have let people down. That upsets me very much.

So, I look well physically, I am enthusiastic about writing, and I tend to say yes to anything, and make promises just to please people. I then get panicky and let people down, with all the embarrassment that this causes to me and others.

My only strategy so far has been to cut off from the situations, and get on with something else. Fortunately I have commitments which take me away fom this small provincial town and my local embarrassments. But - when I'm here I feel like I'm living inside a Tchekov play!!

So, I am back where I have been before, which is quietly at home, reconsidering my failed strategies. My wife says that my situation is 'absolutely tragic' as I always end up shutting down again.

Well, what do we think folks? Is there a way out of this maze? It's pretty obvious that embroilment is getting to be a pattern, and that my recent social forays have been a mess, and agonising too.

Good thoughts, M

PS - To make matters even worse, I have told a couple of people in 3d that I post here at PC, and they will be able to read this if they want. Why do I do this? My wife and daughter told me that I was mad to cross 3d with my safety zone, and they were right!