I have booked a last appointment for tomorrow. I'm going to go in properly and say goodbye to Old t (the bad one) and hopefully be able to actually start treatment somewhere again in good faith.

Now I am caught though between two feelings.

1) I know this therapist (and maybe this therapy) were rude and dismissive toward me.

BUT

2) I also think that there was a real relationship there. And there was some good advice and I realize some of it was excessive and controlling.. but he was my fake parent! That is a real, close relationship! One of the better ones I have had in a while!

Do I talk about this? Don't know. I just want to see my (low down, mean, dishonest) therapist again. I want to see him and know he still exists.

Anyway I'd really appreciate any encouraging words going in. It feels like I am bracing myself to cut off a finger.