So glad you had a good sit and a restorative sleep last night (((((((((((ss))))))))))) But sorry you awoke feeling anxious. I hope the anxiety dissipates throughout the day

I am not doing well today emotionally or physically. I feel really low. I had therapy yesterday and I ended up crying about something. I rarely cry. Even though I often feel sad. At the time it felt liberating and as though I was letting go of something that needed to be released. Today I wonder if it hasn't just taken me needlessly down a path of sorrows. I feel heavy-hearted and lost. Sometimes it can be better to let sleeping dogs lie.

I probably shouldn't write too much while I'm feeling so down. I feel so disappointed because I don't see any improvement in myself. I've been taking these homeopathic and herbal remedies for almost 2 weeks now. The appointment with the homeopath was very expensive. I'm going to see her again on Friday. But now I'm back to doubting everything and I worry that I'm just wasting money. I don't mind paying for this if it helps me, but I don't feel any better. At first I did. But now I think that was just because I felt hopeful. Honestly, I don't think anything has changed. Well, that's not true, my headaches have been better. So that really is something positive and I mustn't discount that. But nothing else feels better. I feel fatigued and depressed and the anxiety is very much still present, albeit more in the background.

I feel hopeless, which is one of the worst feelings for me. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but voices are screaming in my head that all the evidence points towards the fact that I'm unfixable and that this is as good as it's going to get. Only it isn't good at all.

I'm still not meditating enough. It was only about 5 minutes last night before bed, and about the same this morning. Last night I was really tired so I cut the meditation short. This morning I was a bit rushed.

I'm definitely going to persevere with the meditation. I am very drawn to it, and I'm very drawn also to the underlying philosophies and I love the quotes of Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hanh and others. There is a part of me that really connects with this on an emotional and spiritual level. But I do need to practice longer sits. So that is my goal!!

Thanks for letting me get this out. And for listening. And for your support. I really appreciate it

Love to all