I guess I think that deep down, every body wants that soul mate. Some of us have just had one (or twenty five) too many rounds with reality to keep on hoping and believing.

I think some people really are meant to be together. The cute old couple you see walking at the mall holding hands, the high school sweethearts who get married right out of college, the star crossed lovers who end up together against all odds... they're real. They're just a total minority.

There are those people who are just sweeter and simplier by nature and if you think about it, they could have ended up with just about anyone and been happy. Again, rare; but real.

And yet there are also the cynics who are difficult to love and don't accept love easily... and yet it finds them.

I think we sabatage ourselves a lot. Like we have the perfect thing going and it's all good and then we get careless and screw it up. Or we get scared and back out. Or we let love die out of apathy. That's where you get all those deadly "what if's" and regrets.

Can love be explained? (I'd love to see anyone try.) Can it be defined? What is truly a perfect relationship to one person might be hellish for another.

Do I think that somewhere, there is a cosmic list of every name with another name beside it? A soul for every soul? Like some big "matching game?" I don't think so.

An older woman I respect very much told me that she thought that everyone had a handful of people they were compatible with, but there was always one for everybody who was special. That seems more probable to me. Better odds.

I love somebody. I love him very much. But I constantly keep in mind that love is ultimately a fragile and rather foolish thing. Part of me knows that "forever" is an illusion. If we broke up, it would break my heart. It would hurt like hell. But would it be the end?

Are there always more people in the hand and on the list, or is it really one for each?