Quote:
Originally Posted by Elana05
This morning I spent some time browsing some self-help books online. One title caught my eye: After The Tears.
The title caught my eye because I have been wanting to say that my role as an adult daughter has passed.
That was then, this is now. The thing is, it hasn't passed.
I never sobbed as much or as hard as the last time I went to visit my mother. I felt my entire body melt into a puddle of despair brought on by her drinking and yelling. The last time I went to see my dad, he couldn't walk straight when he got up from the meal. His wife had to steady him as we walked around a store together later on, so he wouldn't fall into the produce. Ugh. This all still effects me. I admit it. I am NOT out of the anger period because this s*^t is still happening. I am trying to apply what I have heard in meetings or read in program-approved literature. Just... such a slow process. All in all I want to (try to?) let myself grieve more. This kind of stuff would mess someone up, I try to say to myself, anyone.
It's hard, life is hard. I am trying to be more gentle with myself. I guess. Trying.
Thanks for listening.
E.
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Hi again Elana05; you've been here a lot longer than I have, I see, and it sounds like you've made some wonderful progress in addressing issues and emotions, and relationships, etc., so I am a bit timid about responding now.
I can identify so strongly with your descriptions of your parents (e.g., your dad not being able to walk straight) and your reactions to them now as an adult. Ugh! I'm not out of the anger phase yet, either, even though I certainly should be. Your post made me rethink my own avoidant approach (or should I say, lack of approach!).
I admire you for the work you have done to confront this stuff.