I am so sorry for the painful, difficult day you had and I am so sorry for the mistreatment and misunderstanding you suffered as a teenager. So sorry for the invalidation of your feelings then, which were real and deserved validation; so sorry for the love and comfort and help that was not there for you when that's what you needed.
And I'm sorry that T said the very words that were/are the trigger of so much hurt for you, words that feel like invalidation of your feelings. I'm sure she didn't want for that to be your experience from them, that she wanted to help you cope with and contain the feelings.....but I can see how those particular words wouldn't help you do that.
But I will say this.....you are not upsetting yourself over nothing. You suffered a very real and deep trauma, you were hurt, you are feeling hurt now, and you have the right to be upset, to feel hurt. It's OK to have the big feelings and it's OK to feel them. It's OK to believe that you will come through this hurt, these feelings, and heal from them, too.....
You are doing good, hard work. I know it hurts and I will be thinking of you!