((((poetgirl)))))

You are right. I know he cares. I counted the ways.
It is just that the two-fold whamy all at the same time kinda really tossed me.

It feels strange because it feels like the small stuff I thought I saw but then told myself I didn't see where there for real and I just decided to not see them.
it is like I had a NEED to see my T as someone who was not capable of hurting me in the ways others hurt me ??? I don't know why. Not that I expected him to be perfect. Just... to not be "them" .....

And I know he isn't! But my heart really isn't happy about this stuff. But it is on a level where I don't even want to talk to him about it. Or anyone really. I am forcing myself to write here on PC because I know you all care. And I know if I don't try to talk through it that I will go too deep back into my turtle shell on this.

So what can I do except just take it one day at a time. I will be glad to see him Monday though. I want to see him and to just have this all behind me. I talked on phone with him a bit. But I can't see him before Monday.