Welcome to PC.

A very wise person once said: "The reason we need others to love us unconditionally, is because we don't. And the reason they don't love us unconditionally is because we don't." We project that lack of love onto them. We saddle them with an impossible job of fighting us "I am unlovable" "No, you are not". Eventually we drive them away. They cannot satisfy our need, because in truth what we need is our own unconditional love. But unconditional love for ourselves is something we need to learn, or most of us do. We come out of childhood in lesser or greater degree all messed up.

Learning self love is like learning any other unfamiliar skill. You make first moves and you practice, they may feel unnatural or strange but you know your goal. It goes one little step at a time. Coming here is one such step. Reaching for help is an act of self-love. You understand things so well, and you express them so well, it's awesome. And I could read that you love that about yourself.

There is a part of you that knows it's not true that a person only 23 year old has nothing to live for. That part of you loves you. Despite how horrible you feel, and what mean hurtful things you can say to yourself, there is love.

You are beautiful. Hang in there, please. You are worth it.