I can completely identify with your feelings and i was stubborn as a mule with my repeated suicide attempts which did more harm than good. My feelings lasted for years and i thought i would never grow out of this feeling of wanting to die and that made me different from the average suicidal person.

Time has a way of bringing change thats even docs pumping one full of drugs wont achieve. I feel a bit hypocritical when i get pangs of intense desire to end it all. When there nothing to really end at all because my life is pathetic. But my depression has grown and changed with me and although the feelings come and go you have to come thru the adolescant years before deciding a huge factor like that.

I've been in and out of hospital in my 23 years of life for suicidal behaviour, but YOU HAVE taken the first step in coming here. Speaking as a layperson I would advise you to talk to your doc on a suitable medication and give it a trial - theres something that works for everyone.

The bottom line is you have nothing to lose but everything to gain. Sometimes friends and family dont know the right thing to say and can make things worse. Medication worked for me and it changed me and my thoughts - changed my very person and to so many ive spoken too it has changed them also.
I applaud you on taking this first leap, take a second and see a pro. - you can only go up from here.

I wish you all the best,
Take care,
X