well, I emailed T and told her that I think the issue is not about money, but about crappy timing and my feeling unworthy and undeserving. I told her how hard it was for this to happen this week, and that I just don't know what I want to do going forward.

She replied "I'm totally good with whatever you decide." And then she went on to point out how she thinks this miscommunication is good because we're learning to communicate and resolve conflict, which will help build trust.

I think she missed the point completely.

I really want to reply and tell her I don't think she's hearing me, but I just can't go deeper into this mess right now. I have bigger issues and I need to get through tomorrow.

I hate this.