dreamer there is a lot in your post that i can relate to. i "have" a lot of things, place to live, things to "enjoy" but it all seems so hopeless because the depression won't let me enjoy any of them. and it has crippled my ability to function so severely that i spend a lot of time in fear that i may lose the things i have, so that if i were able to get past the depression, i'd be left in a physically bad situation out on the street with no friends. i am seriously worried about losing my home, have had no income for several months now and can't imaging being well enough to work again.

i'm on my computer a lot, and i watch tv a lot, but they all feel pretty empty because i no longer have any people in my life to share any enjoyment with. it has taken a huge amount of will power to hold on for this long because both my "logical" and "philosophical" sides say that even if i were well this is not the kind of life i want to live.

i'm hoping now mostly for a miracle, that i might feel better by working through this and staying on my meds, that i will be able to recover and work again, and that i might be able after all of that to start to regain some trust with my friends, or meet new friends, and that maybe that will be enough to get me through. I've given up on hope of finding any sort of personal relationship and my hope is that i can get by ok on my own for the rest of my life if i feel well enough.

it feels like a long shot.

i wish i had some magic answers for you. all i can say is please hang on and hope that things will turn around at somepoint. and in the meantime keep talking to people who can help and to people who can understand, like the people here.

today has been a particularly bad day for me anyway. no idea why, just felt extremely hopeless all day and stayed in bed most of the day, something i had been able to successfully stay away from the past few weeks.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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