try to see it as part of the healing process, keep talking, creating, recognise what you are doing in your life now. You get out of bed in the morning, accknowledge it and appreciate that you did it.you paint, recognise that you are creating
That its your hand and your mind that controlls the medium.
And dont think that you have failed if you backslide , just accept that it means your in a bad way at that time and need more help.
I hope some peace comes to you soon.
Xxx