unico  thank you for sharing your concerns. i don't feel you need to be hard on yourself when u feel frustrated sometimes. we all do! even norms do too  ! your relationship i'm sure can be a challenge sometimes. for those of us with triggers-ptsd-it can be especially difficult. sounds like in many ways you all have tried to work through incidences that conflict with your relationship. and u all have been successful at that.
we all need comforting sometimes and understanding. so please don't feel selfish. you sound like a very nice person. be kind to yourself as you are kind to your sig.other. it's important that we also fulfill our own needs. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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