I have to say, I love my T - in a completely platonic, non-transference related, she's just an awesome T, way.

I've been really struggling with talking about SI with my T. Before seeing this T, I had promised myself that I simply wasn't going to talk about it anymore, because none of the other T's I'd seen had ever been able to help me, and it wasn't worth the pain of talking about it again. Then, I started to trust my T, and forgot my promise, and I started talking about it. She's always been compassionate, understanding, and patient with me about the SI. But, I've always felt guilty talking about it. I'm ashamed of it, embarrassed, and I feel like I need to apologize every time we talk. I have never had a positive experience talking about SI, and keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her compassion to turn to a negative reaction.

Finally, I got up the courage to tell my T all of the above. I need to keep talking about the SI, and I need her help to work through it, but these thoughts kept holding me back. So, today, I managed, after much struggling, to tell her my feelings.

She told me that I'm not contaminating her by talking about it, that I'm a lovely person. I asked her point blank, if it bothers her for me to talk about it, and she told me that she does not feel bothered by my talking about SI. She said she feels honored that I would talk with her about it, considering how difficult it is for me. She repeated that several times for me, and I think I'm starting to believe her. She even offered to let me record her saying it if I needed to. I really felt her conviction and honesty and it almost made me cry. At the end of the session, she invited me to email her if I needed to.

It was just an awesome session. I mean, yeah, it was really, really stressful for me and very emotional, and I had a hard time talking, but it ended really well. My T is just so incredibly amazing! I wish I'd found her years ago.