I know that pain lasts......thinking about what your baby would have been like & what it would feel like to have a part of you to love & care for. I didn't have problem with the one pregnancy I did have, but my daughter had a miscarriage that she never talked about very much & my Mother lost her next pregnancy when I was 5 years old....it wasn't to a miscarriage, but to an abortion because she had been sick with the german measles when she first got pregnant. In those days they didn't have ultra sound & her obgyn thought it wouldn't be healthy & maybe not even survive if she went through with the pregnancy, so they recommended an abortion (back in 1958)......I know that loss stuck with my mother all her life & when she was dying of cancer 6 years ago......her one question was if God was punishing her for having the abortion....God doesn't punish us......but I realized how much the pain of loosing that baby stuck with her all her life. I'm sure my daughter still holds onto some of the pain from her miscarriage also.

It's good that you are able to talk about it now....getting that pain out & being able to express how you are feeling & work through the pain should help you with your feelings to SI also.

My obgyn told me that when the baby is healthy & attached healthy in the womb, there is nothing that can cause it to normally miscarry......said that only when there is something wrong with the baby or how it's attached will there be a miscarriage & if there is a miscarriage, the baby wouldn't have survived anyway.....nothing we can do when the pregnancy is healthy that will cause a miscarriage, so know that it's not something that you did that caused the miscarriage.

I had a friend who got married just before I did & miscarried her first pregnancy.....went on to have 4 wonderful healthy pregnancies & has a wonderful family & now is a grandma.

Your feelings are very normal when loosing a baby whether to a miscarriage or an abortion....takes time to grieve the loss especially when you didn't allow yourself to feel that grief when it happened.

Gentle ......be nice to yourself & let yourself feel....it's ok