I've always managed on my own. Always been strong. I am a survivor. My old ways are not working anymore. Everything crashed. The depression can't be controlled. I should go on sick-leave again my T says. Then make a call do get help with one of my kids. I am not strong anymore. I am weak, just like my parents. The more I seek help and accept that I am not well, the worse I get! Because I don't want to be a depressed woman on meds that is on sick-leave because I can't take care of my own kids. Hubby does everything at home. And I just long for an escape..... can't stop trying to find a way to stay in pain. Then feeling guilty...

Something that is troubling me today? I don't know what triggers this... maybe that I know I will wake up tomorrow, and the thoughts will come knocking again as soon as I wake up. The depressive thoughts... the fear, the anxiety.... .... It's like it won't end. What if it doesn't? Can it be controlled by will power?