When I am my most depressed, I struggle wth thoughts of being "defective" and "unlikeable" much as you seem to be now. I also get very, very angry when I don't feel things around me are right. When I am feeling better, all of this does subside to minor things I might improve. The depths of despair only seem to come with the darkest moods and depression. Hope you find a way to lessen your depression--that might be all you need to see what's around you in a better light. Till then, please try to do something nice for yourself--eat a piece of cake, take a nap, snuggled under a warm comforter with a pet, take a hot shower or bubble bath, or go outside and breath some fresh air, really deeply into your chest to envigorate you. Know we are here, wishing you well, no matter what else happens!