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Why do I bother...
My life has been in turmoil since 13th January 2011.... the day my Area Manager sent me home from work due to them needing more info on what they can do to help me in my workplace due to my Bipolar. I am still off and I am no further forward. I have special leave until next week and then its either I lie to my GP and say I am fine and go back to work, or I don't go back and lose my job.
LOSE MY JOB!!!!!! I just don't know what to do??
I don't actually care anymore they can sack me all they like I really don't care. I have lost the willpower to fight.
I am "in trouble" from my Mum for staying in bed all day but what do I have to get up for???? I have no social life. My friends all 4 of them work or at uni 5-7 days a week, I speak to 2 colleagues but VERY rarely see them. What do I have to get up for... just to sit in the house??? My anxiety levels are OTT and I am having moments where going out is sometimes a bit too much for me.
I have been feeling suicidal for weeks and I have hurt myself. I don't care what I do anymore. I want to just go away don't know where though.
I laugh and joke, I am wide awake at the moment... 12:32am I have been manic and I have been hypo-manic and I know I have been depressed but I just don't know anymore.
Last night I didn't want to come home as all I would be doing is sitting in my room as I isolate myself from my family as usual. I have done this since I was a kid.
I am writing this not for replies/answers but cause I am sick of being bipolar/depressed/ill/me/human
Guess what I want to do is get out of here and never come back but I guess that's out the question??
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