Okay, this is my 3rd post in less than a week. I'm sorry. I promise you that this'll be my last at least until next week! (okay, shouldn't really make promises that I dont know whether I can keep, but oh well).

This evening, while travelling home from a class trip, I decided that tomorrow I will tell someone about my feelings, and that I will go to the doctors during my free period and book an appointment.
Less than 5 mins later, I realised that I really can't do that.

Although, I think if someone asked me how I am, right now, on msn/facebook/text/anything other than real speaking, I would tell them the truth. Then I'm thinking that, really, that would only be the case for one person. The one person I could trust with anything, and count on them to not judge me badly because of it, and who would be caring but not pushy.
And then I remember that he's the one person I can no longer tell.

Not because of anything major, but simply because the other week, while in a drunken stupor, i sent him a message telling him that I liked him. It wasnt too bad a message actually, I wasnt like "OMG I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH". It was simply "Mate, I really need to tell you something. I really like you."
Now i knew it would change things, but when speaking to him about it online, he was fine with it, and i thought it would only change things a little. For the rest of that week, while we were off college, he spoke to me every evening (much more than usual).
Then back at college, he ignored me. He glared at me. And then he poked me in the side, and i thought that maybe he just hadnt noticed me, but then he ignored me again.
Today, we kept catching each other's eye, and whenever we did, he would seem to act weirdly (not in a good way).
Then he came over and asked me how I was, in a quiet private manner. When I said "I'm fine", he asked me if i was sure, and i said "Yes" and then he made an excuse to leave.
Later on, he walked over to me while I was standing on my own, reading. He (a little tipsy by this point) stood much too close, and put on a voice, saying random weird things, including "I love you" and then gave me some of his drink.

I dont know what that has to do with much, just I needed to write that out i think. Also, it shows how even though i feel that i could tell him about how crummy i feel, in reality i can't.

So I'm confused and hurt and stuck and this post has become much longer than i intended, so I'll stop now.

Actually, one last thing. On the up side, I put my name down for an appointment with the college counciller again. Granted, it's in a few weeks time. I hope it turns out better than the last time I went (i went to like 4/5 sessions and then never went back).

Yeah, anyways, sorry again for the length of this, and taking yet another space on the forum. See you all around. xxx