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Hey Lee,
I don't have a T. I did have a Counsellor which was through my work and then again through a free charity. But that ended in November 2010. I have a Community Nurse I see fortnightly. I only saw him on Monday.
I don't want to sleep tonight and I haven't took my meds either. I just don't want to anymore. I know I can get the whole no to meds at night as I like feeling manic and the buzzing feeling is always good. But tonight I just think blah what's the point. My friend and I were talking tonight and I thought I was good. Then I left her and started having anxiety attacks and then came home and my Mum got on to me for being in my bed all day and well she was moaning and I got angry and she got angry. Now the only one who is speaking to me in the house is my Dad but we will see how long that will be for as I will somehow piss him off no doubt.
My friends and family just don't know how hard it is to "snap out of it" and I am sick to the back teeth of people saying "you can do this" as I really can't. I don't want to go on anymore as I have no career. I have worked hard to get into this career which is a hard career-I work with Autistic Men who all have Challenging Behaviour/Learning Disabilities/Mental Health Issues and Autism. I don't even miss my work and that is how bad it is. I use to when I was off always want to know what's going on etc now I don't care. I dread bumping into 1 of the guys when I am out. I nearly bumped into 1 of them but they didn't see me thankfully.
I don't want to feel crap anymore. I didn't ask for bipolar and I didn't ask for any of the turmoils I have had. My friend last night said you have dealt with bigger much bigger blows than this so I need to keep going. I lied to her and said I would keep going.... but I really don't think I have it in me anymore. I am drained.
Life at the moment has drained me out of everything and I don't want to hurt anymore
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