You are special. I smiled when you asked for the name change, because it made me happy to know that someone else realized they had worth as a person. You still do (have worth), even if you feel like crap. Feelings aren't constant and permanent, they're fluid and can change. What would the CBT you're learning now say about your current state of mind - do you know of any tips to help you out of this mindset?

Or call your doctor maybe?