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Thanks Sunna,
I know I can get out of bed, but I am more of a "I don't want to get out of bed" person at the moment. I know that sounds lame and stupid. I have done the whole get up and go for weeks and now I feel the "what's the point" scenario's popping into my dumb head. You know sometimes you need that "rest" in bed though... after a hard time of thinking/feeling/talking/writing/expressing etc!
I feel dumb for saying this but I feel at the moment I need my bed, the stupid safeness which I hate to admit to. I need it. I don't really know why though to be honest.
"Human" means I am alive and I don't feel alive at the moment... I am not completely dead, I am partially if that is even possible.
Yes I have become my illness/disorder/diagnosis and yes I don't know when to not be it. I act "human-normal" in front of people so people don't think I am weird. So people don't ask questions and so I don't have the embarrassment of saying I am ill. I tried soooo hard not to become my illness/disorder/diagnosis that it has lead me to become it.
I want to be that 50% of BP sufferers who can say I live a normal life with minor adjustments. But at the moment I am the 50% who are living life 1 day at a time struggling and sinking and asking for help and no-one is listening in my head. My head is screaming but my lips don't know what to do.
I have functioned better and I know I can and will again but telling my stupid brain that is the hard part. It won't allow that knowledge to sink in. I don't know why though. I am scared that admitting things will lead to things and admitting things will make things real and not admitting things is safer in a sense but ironically I am scared out my head.
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