So sorry you are having such a hard time right now, Miss Laura. I read every word of what you wrote. I'm sorry I can't relate more--my sister is bipolar but I am depressive. I met some really nice bipolar ladies when I was hospitalized. And one bipolar guy--he was manic and trying to hide it so he could get out and get some subsidized housing they had lined up for him. He did it! Please know some of us will always be here to listen to you and try to relate to what you are going through. We won't be judgmental and will cheer you on, to make the best of your reality for yourself. I suspect you are at a low point right now and need some encouragement. Do know others care and want you to succeed in being happier and dealing with what's facing you. Hugs, dear one!