Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Laura
Why do I bother...
My life has been in turmoil since 13th January 2011.... the day my Area Manager sent me home from work due to them needing more info on what they can do to help me in my workplace due to my Bipolar. I am still off and I am no further forward. I have special leave until next week and then its either I lie to my GP and say I am fine and go back to work, or I don't go back and lose my job.
LOSE MY JOB!!!!!! I just don't know what to do??
I don't actually care anymore they can sack me all they like I really don't care. I have lost the willpower to fight.
I am "in trouble" from my Mum for staying in bed all day but what do I have to get up for???? I have no social life. My friends all 4 of them work or at uni 5-7 days a week, I speak to 2 colleagues but VERY rarely see them. What do I have to get up for... just to sit in the house??? My anxiety levels are OTT and I am having moments where going out is sometimes a bit too much for me.
I have been feeling suicidal for weeks and I have hurt myself. I don't care what I do anymore. I want to just go away don't know where though.
I laugh and joke, I am wide awake at the moment... 12:32am I have been manic and I have been hypo-manic and I know I have been depressed but I just don't know anymore.
Last night I didn't want to come home as all I would be doing is sitting in my room as I isolate myself from my family as usual. I have done this since I was a kid.
I am writing this not for replies/answers but cause I am sick of being bipolar/depressed/ill/me/human
Guess what I want to do is get out of here and never come back but I guess that's out the question??
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Laura,
I can understand totally how your feeling even when it prob seems like no one can. Our situations are very different and i dont knwo the circumstances around your life but I will tell you that I suffere from depression to and at 30 years old and being a single mother....i STILL fear about letting down my mother...its so wierd...its like a sickness that I have had since I was a kid...to please her...she is very supportive of me but then again....we are so close that if i am hurting myself or feeling depressed...it effects her and then she is hurt becuase of it and she tells me. First of all WTF is your employer doing trying to differentiate u cuz of your bipolar?? Am i missing something? I have never heard of a place of employment acting like Bipolar disease is a handicapp.....maybe i am misunderstanding but....why are they trying to help you with this and they CAN NOT fire you becuase of being bipolar or depressed unless you missed a lot of work without callin8g or soemthing...did you ask them for help? If you did, then thats cool but I think that it might not be a good idea to do that with ur employers...sounds like they are using it against you....thats a cheap shot and it shows that they have TERRIBLE work ethics...anyways......dont fret love....it sounds petty to me...calm down ok? Your emotions are getting the better of you obviously if you are feeling suicidal..and is this suicidal feeling becuase your employers are being hard on your and a combinatino of you not seeing your freinds much? Just guessing by reading your post....listen...you are blessed and the fact that you have a roof over your head and a computer to reach out to people is AWESOME....please dont think that these stepping stones are a reason to end your life....you sound like a wonderful..intellegent woman that deserves to be happy....dont downgrade yourself babe....=)