Hi Susan, I lost my mom 5 years ago. She was also my best friend and it broke my heart to lose her. She also died from cancer. I know she was suffering in the end and I told her it 'was ok to go'... but after she died I broke down horribly because 'it wasn't ok '... I didn't want to lose her and I still miss her terribly. It's not selfsh to want to keep them with us, it's human. There is no easy strategy or formula to 'get through this'. It helps if you are still able to talk about her to friends and family. I would look at photos and cards - and yes sometimes cry but it feels good to release the tears and emotion. Sometmes I would 'talk to her', kind of like praying I guess, but my words would be said to her.. still do this when I need her.. the sharp pain has dwindled thankfully, but I will never stop missing her. As time passes, you learn how to live without her, but you will never forget, never stop missing , and never stop loving. It's important to remember your loved one died, but you didn't... and they would want you to be happy. If you are REALLY depressed, there was something I tried when my daughter passed away. I would 'make myself' think of happy thoughts at least a couple times a day. "IE. what a beautiful day" or " think of how lucky I was in other ways - think of something I should be thankful for". I would still allow myself to grieve and cry and feel sad/depressed, but not 24/7... and as the days went by, I would make myself think positive thoughts more often... and then one day... a happy thought came to me all on it's own!! Sounds kind of like playing games with your own mind to teach you how to be happy again, but I figure desperate times call for desperate measures The pain of loss will eventually subside but if it doesn't I would recommend seeing a grief counsellor, someone who can help you get through it. I wish you all the best !