I know exactly how you're feeling, unfortunately. Long story short I had to realize who my real friend was in the situation. This guy would swoop back into my life and, when I was single, we did hook up. We lived in different states and said we would still talk and eventually he told me he didn't want me waiting on him and wanted me to date other people. I said the same. Well.....I did and he didn't. So now every time I go home it's like he reappears out of nowhere talking about how we're meant for each other. The thrill of it can take over. Then I think "when I go back to school after break...he won't keep in touch" and he didn't. Whereas my current bf has been here through my dx of epilepsy, my grandmother's death and a ton of other stuff. This other guy, with whom I felt a deep connection, was only around when he wanted me.

Don't feel bad. It happens. Where does your heart lie? That's what matters. I had a dream the other night that I cheated on my bf. I have also had dreams that he cheated on me. I have also had dreams where we had kids together and a house together. It's just in your subconscious. I understand it's hard not to think about it but dwelling won't do anything but hurt your relationship. If you are true to your bf and want to be with him, just shrug it off as a natural human feeling. Remember, we are all humans and we all make mistakes. You are NOT a terrible girlfriend.

Personally, I feel that, if you want things to work with your current bf, and seeing this other guy messes with your head, it's best to just stay away. Physical chemistry is just that. Physical. It can't replace the genuine love you feel when someone is as close to you as it sounds like your bf is. Hopefully you can work through this and don't blame yourself!