Squiggle, there is a Sexual/Gender Issues subforum here. I like posting in it because of the anonymity. And you really can ask anything you want in there, even something that could be considered TMI X1000. I have never read any judgmental posts in there, just frank, mature, and to-the-point discussions. There are things that I think people just cannot bring themselves to talk about in therapy, and that's OK. That's why that subforum is so great.

anyway...

don't continue to read this if you don't want to deal with triggers

***I don't want to trigger anyone, I'm sharing the following about my own therapy and how I have come to ease into talking about these issues. I will not be graphic or descriptive.***

I used to be extremely uncomfortable talking about sex with my T because of my social phobia...ironic because that's why I'm in therapy in the first place. She's not a "tough" therapist. What I mean by that is she never brings up a subject herself out of the blue, she follows my lead, it's a very free-flowing conversation. But if she happens to ask a question about something that I don't like, I say "I don't want to talk about that" and she backs off immediately. In the early days with T, anything sex-related that I brought up would be only 1 of 2 things: 1) my embarrassment from being a virgin or 2) my embarrassment at the OB/GYN. That was it. I never wanted to talk about dating or anything because I was depressed as hell and there was some deep grief I was dealing with. As the years went on, I would offer more from time to time...I would disclose how I felt like kissing someone and that I had a vivid fantasy life. Finally, about 4 months ago, I just blurted out right away at the beginning of the session that my sex drive was "through the roof". I then laughed and said that she was probably thinking, "where the hell did this come from? I thought it was going to be another hour of 'ohhhhh My mom is so annoying, I hate my sister, I hate my life!'" T laughed and said she could not recall me ever saying something like this, but she was glad I did. I kept telling her over and over how embarrassing it was for me to bring this up but I couldn't hold it in anymore. She was so great and did not make me regret bringing up the topic one bit. She told me exactly what I needed to hear. I told her that I found feeling sexual to be very unsettling, it was almost too much for me to take. I have had these feelings since puberty like everyone else, but they were never this intense until now. She said it was probably because of my age (late 20s, female sex drive increases) and that my depression was lifting (I had recently moved into my own place).

She told me, "there are many parts of you that make up who you are. And this is a part of you that maybe you just haven't fully noticed until now, and that's OK. This is a great thing, this is what makes us feel alive." She then asked me if I was doing anything about these feelings and I told her I was trying to meet my needs "on my own." Again, I felt totally ashamed telling her this, it sent my anxiety through the roof. We talked about that for a few minutes and then she asked me if I was currently attracted to anybody, I said no but I was beginning to not be so nervous around guys, and that I had come to the realization that growing up I was SO freaked out about even telling one of my guy friends I "liked him" that I repressed it down so much to the point of not really feeling attracted to anyone ever.

T was amazing through this whole session in particular. She knew how vulnerable and uncomfortable I was feeling, and she said all the right things. It was exquisite. She's the ultimate professional.

I'm telling everyone this because if there's something that's a sore spot to you (doesn't necessarily have to be sex related), and you REALLY trust your T and feel comfortable with him or her, just let it out. Tell them what's going on. You deserve to be heard and validated. This stuff is so deeply personal and here is your opportunity to let go. If you can't say it, write it down. Nothing but good things will happen if you tell T. And trust me—I am one of the most closed books on the planet. I am "the listener" in ALL of my relationships, except my therapeutic one. I was proven wrong on what the outcome would be and how sharing that stuff would make me feel afterwards.