Less than an hour to go and still no progress. I can't figure anything out when I'm like this. Code is just like Greek to my enfeebled mind. I've failed again, just like every project like this. Just like when my GF left me last year. Just like when my ex-wife left and said I'd never amount to anything in this field. I want to go home but it's not possible without major repercussions for the rest of my team.

I have to be kinder to myself but I can't at the moment, my thoughts are completely beyond my control. Just trying not to cry in front of everyone and have the strength to face up to the shortcomings of this project in this meeting. Weekend's likely shot as I'll have to work for its entirety just to get the project where it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to have my daughter this weekend, too, no rescheduling as her mother will be out of town.

How am I going to keep myself held together? Where do I find the strength? I hate this life. I hate what I have become.